i Wish i Could Be On Time!

27 December 2003

There are these times in my life where I just feel like such a failure. I feel as if I have been wounded in some way and that something is keeping me back, but I don't know what it is exactly, like there is this strong wind pushing me back as I walk down the street. My mom got me some minutes for my cell phone, and I decided since I have no money that I would treat myself and download a new ring tone. I spent 2 hours on the computer, which would really be no big deal, except that it is after 3 am. Therefore, I have failed at my goal of being in bed by 1 am. This failure is a common thing for me. I do believe that I create some chaos, but not all. The universe is out to get me. For instance, I will actually be running on time to somewhere, and oh, but of course there is an accident on the highway, why the hell wouldn't there be, right??? Thus is life for me...and you know, so many people get angry with me; but try to imagine living like this. It's not easy. Sometimes, I hate my life. I look around me and see everyone growing up and succeeding, and I am succeeding as well, but the difference is that I am succeeding at failure. Believe me, my mother thrives at my failure. In fact the only time I get along with my mother is when I am failing. Then there is my boyfriend. (He will never know about this little "blog" I have.) He is great, that is when it is convenient for him, and oh, right now is not a convenient time. My best friend is out of town, and my "ma" (more about her later) is also out of town. Not to mention my shrink. I know that soon they will all be back, but for now I am sitting with my furry friends, that are cute might I add, but they can't carry on a conversation. Well, not in English anyway. I miss everyone...

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