i Wish i Could Be On Time!

24 February 2004

Natalie:
Unfortunately I do not have all the answers. I wish I did. I wish I could come and help you escape the hell that you are going through, but only you are in charge of your destiny here on earth. I will say that your education is imperative for survival. In order to get out of your house you need to focus somehow on school; otherwise you will end up in a big mess with the law. Seriously, you are still a minor and you need to take that into consideration. Until you turn 18 you are the government's bitch. (Not to mention moms). I think you need to consider seeing a therapist. Talk to mom about it. I love my therapist, I really do. She has helped me in way that you will never be able to understand. Every time I tell mom to talk to you about counseling, she says that you refuse to go. I don't know what to believe these days. I am here for you lil' sis, but I can't do much. I am still pretty unstable and I need to try and get it together as well. As far as the suicide thing goes: well, don't. Just don't. After working in the two nursing homes I worked in, I will never try to take my life again. When you hold the hand of a person that is taking their last breath, and see the look of fear in their eyes, you'll never want to have those negative thoughts again. Death is not pretty, and one is never prepared. Trust me. I saw women and men that I really thought were religious people crying to live in their last days, because we just don't know what happens. All I know is that I sure don't want to find out. I love you will all my heart; you are my pride and joy. You are so beautiful and I know that you have a real smile deep down, not the painted one you are writing about, a real smile. You just have to work to find that smile...it's there I know it is! Love you 2 much!!!!

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