i Wish i Could Be On Time!

17 February 2004

Two Berry’s and the Wedding Bell Blues (In IV Phases)
Phase I: A Real Men Loves Jesus
I had to go to my best friend’s wedding this past weekend in Lancaster, Ohio. After a disappointing revelation that I would be making the almost three hour trip alone, I went and bought gas for $1.69! Boo to Bush for that! Anyway, I cleaned my windshield and bought a new pack of cigarettes, a coke (a must have) and some munchies (gummy worms-my favorite-and cheese crackers-also my favorite). On my way to the wedding, surprisingly enough, my lil’ Nellie (that’s my car’s name: Nellie the Neon) did a fabulous job! She didn’t fuck up once! Snaps to Nellie! So, I’m driving the 89 miles on rt. 71 towards rt. 270 behind a pick-up truck that had a bumper sticker that said, “Real Men Love Jesus.” I hadn’t heard that one before! Maybe I’m looking for Mr. Right in the wrong place; I made a mental note to hit the churches when I got back in town.
Phase II: Fired Up
Tarah, in her nervousness of being the bride throws her cloth napkin onto the table right next to a candle when Father asks us to stand in prayer. Meanwhile: I open my eyes; just for a peek during prayer because I can’t keep my eyes shut due to my paranoia, and see the napkin going up in flames. I gasped and picked up the napkin and hold it out for Dave (Karyn’s hubby) to pour a tall glass of water on the small forest fire. Tarah didn’t know any of this was even going on…
Phase III: Miniature Barbie Dolls Multiply
Tarah and her sister Karyn look like the Olsen twins. Being only 16 months apart, they are beautiful. Tarah looked amazing! She wore a backless and strapless flowing gown that really showed off her flawless skin. Her hair is short, and she had this cute flip hairdo like Meg Ryan always sports. Karyn wore her hair up and it was twisted this way and that. She too, looked beautiful! When the girls were dancing around the dance floor, I commented to them that they looked like miniature Barbie dolls.
Phase IV: A Bride, a Groom and a Wallflower
Yes you guessed it: I WAS the wallflower. While everyone danced and danced, I spent most of the evening holding up the wall. This is not because I don’t know how to buggy, nor do I not love, love, love to dance; I was just having a pity party for myself. The realism of the situation was setting in: this was my best friend, and now she’s married. I was so depressed! With the exception of maybe three people in my life I am the only person I know that is not married or at least in a somewhat serious relationship. This wedding bit didn’t help. After the wedding was over and Tarah and Ben climbed into their white stretch limo and headed off for their honeymoon, I headed back to their house alone. I slept with an awesome girl that night. Her name is Hershey, she is Karyn’s Black Lab.
Good Luck to Tarah and Ben Berry! I love you both!!!!!

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