i Wish i Could Be On Time!

06 March 2004

Sometimes Love Isn't Enough
In the self-proclaimed analytical bullshit book called I Hate You Don't Leave Me, one of the elements of my illness is fear of intimacy. Which of course I completely deny; but what if the bullshit book is right? I mean maybe the reason I've shied away from religion so much is because I'm scared. Tonight I went to a poetry bash my darling friend Chelsie had at her church. Work was dead, so I bitched until they let me go home. Sorry but I'm sick and tired of standing around doing nothing for $3 an hour. Anyway, so I went to see my gal Chelsie. It was really fun. They are all religious freaks and I was more than positive I didn't have a damn thing in common with any of them, or did I? My Catholicism follows me. I got into a discussion with one of the guys there, and I walked away feeling good. This can't be???...me? walking away with a positive attitude after a religious conversation. Shit oh dear, what the hell is happening to me these days? And the Hallmark Man thing. Ok, I'll admit. I love him; but only because I can't ever have him and that is completely irresistible to me. If he ever gave himself to me, would I take him for long? Probably not. I'll do what I always do and manipulate him and make him feel like as ass and dump him, like I usually do. If real love exists, I am not capable of enjoying it. I will be alone forever. I don't really know how to love. I don't know how to receive love. It's not real...

href="http://www.haloscan.com/tb/crazypoet/107856048139333875/" title="Trackback" onclick="HaloScanTB('107856048139333875'); return false;">

<< Home

Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com