i Wish i Could Be On Time!

26 July 2004

I’m here in the corner
Watching as they strap you down
For safety because you can’t keep from cutting
Cutting all the time
Making beautiful pictures on your arms
Saving the fine-tuning for later
I’m here in the corner
When the nurse is talking to your parents
That don’t give a damn whether you live or die
Just don’t let it happen on my time is the family motto
As your mom paints her yellowed toenails so that her toes will look pleasing in her K-mart sandals for her boss
who sits with the live plant
That is watered more than you
I’m here in the corner
as they tell you to swallow all those pills
The ones that are big and soft colored
And are supposed to help you
Sleep
Eat
Breath
With the hot air that twirls around the room
Making you dizzy and nauseous
I’m here in the corner
When you are in group therapy
Filling out meaningless worksheets about time management
As they search your room
Looking for clues of god-knows-what
Thinking you are some Russian spy
Working for the Middle East 
Hiding oil in your underwear
Next they’ll take those away
I’m here in the corner
As you sit in occupational therapy
Painting the little bunny black
Because that is how you see him
I saw him that way too
Sometimes I still do
I’m here in the corner
While the candy stripper watches you eat
Contemplating why you didn’t attempt the cooked carrots
Only later to snitch you out to the doctors
another pill they’ll add
Who knew not eating mushy orange squares was an illness?
I didn’t know either
I’m here in the corner
When the doctor writes down your precious thoughts
Don’t trust anyone
The walls have excellent memory
As they put you on the scale
And make you turn around
Let me whisper the numbers in your ear
It’s only two digits
You’re still on the safe side
I’m here in the corner
When the social worker nods in disbelief
The chart slips from her lap
And flutters in pretentious freedom
Which is a lie
A fabrication of the mind
Nothing is free

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